Ladies and Gentlemen! I give you CHUCK!!!

Saturday I put the last finishing touches on the latest mechanized mayhem residing in my garage. I apologize for any confusion I may be creating by renaming a previously named object. But I have settled on the name Chuck. These machines come with a predisposition and tendencies that you really can't determine until you first hear them run. The name Reginald was suggested and I liked it. However, the name Reginald holds a certain heir of nobleness, pride, properness and hoity toityness. Someone named Reginald probably wears a silk jacket at home, swills wine around in a crystal glass and can identify the year and vineyard the drink originates from. Reginald probably has a butler named Jeeves that conducts his ordinary affairs and Reginald has initials embroidered on his linens in a classy serif font. This snow blower did not seem to hold any of those attributes.

From the first pull of the pull chord, it sputtered and then settled into a horrifying rumble that sounded a lot like a war chant. It is a no frills, brute strength, no complaints, get it done and move on sort of snow blower. My brother suggested Chuck. I liked it. Chuck it is.

I took it out of the garage and took it for a few test runs down the driveway. Chuck is a monster. You have two controls- speed and a clutch. To engage the clutch you squeeze the left handle. You just better hope you don't fall down. It stays engaged unless you squeeze the handle. Left engaged it keeps churning in a straight path chewing away at anything in it's path until it either ran out of gas or dropped off a cliff. Even in the slowest speed, letting the clutch engage results in Chuck either popping a wheelie, or if you pull up on the handle bars, it will peel out until it gets up to speed. Chuck is not messing around. Chuck is single minded and Hell bent on clearing your driveway and Chuck is NOT safety conscious. Safety items were obviously developed between now and the time when other snow blowers like Chuck were made and probably developed because of snow blowers just like Chuck. There are at least 30 different ways I could loose, a finger a limb or my eyesight by using Chuck. I wouldn't have it any other way! If it isn't dangerous, it isn't worth doing.

As you may have noticed, we were fore casted for snow all weekend long. I didn't even see a flake fall. When it comes to winter, I think the best offense is a good defense. As soon as I wheeled Chuck out of the garage I heard a grumble way up North as Old Man Winter took notice, recalled his plans and tried to come up with a more sustainable attack. Naturally I was disappointed.