In an ongoing effort to try to understand those of you who participate in sports not necessarily of my direct affiliation I have often discussed and contemplated how it is that golf and bowling became classified as a sport. This source of wonderment stems from a single arbitrary tidbit of criteria that I decided qualifies a sport the lofty title of "sport" and it is thus:
If it can be performed, with little or no hindrance and is often played while consuming alcohol... then is it a sport? I realize this opens a whole new debate and I think there should be leagues where a particular sport is played ONLY while intoxicated. I certainly would not want to participate in these sports but would absolutely LOVE to spectate such events.
Back to my original thought. I like to bowl. I have tried golf. I understand many people like to golf. That's great! I agree with Mark Twain who said golf is a waste of an otherwise perfectly good walk. I don't think either past time is a sport. Your comments please.
Now...Back to my second thought which sparked a third thought. with all of the baseball steroid witch hunt going on, I realized something. I don't care. Baseball is secondly more boring than golf to watch on TV. To see in person it is mildly entertaining. Most of the time it is the pitcher poised on the mount suspiciously eyeing the opponent on first base. Watching for the count. He spits. He straightens his cap, scratches his crotch. Eyes first base, spits, scratches his crotch again, straightens his cap does a little zen meditation, spits scratches his crotch winds up... and throws a quick toss to first base. The guy on first base is safe. First baseman lobs it back to the pitcher and we sit for another 5 or 6 minutes as the pitcher tries to lull the opponent to sleep. I don't think I am the only one that feels this antagonistic boredom towards baseball. It has become too bland. Here is an idea. Add one more player to the field for the offensive team. He can be the stocky roid rager with arms the size of my waist and no neck. He is similar to a linebacker. He can cream whomever has the ball. For every out the the offense has, they get to add one more linebacker. The pitcher can still scratch his crotch if he chooses, but if he hangs onto the baseball too long... he is going to be scratching his crotch with the back of his head. One more thing... after every inning every player has to guzzle a bottle of beer. Look out American Idol! America just got a new favorite past time!
Hello?…Hello?…Is this thing on?
9 years ago
2 comments:
Always apply the pizza rule: if you can participate in the game and still have a hand free to enjoy a piping hot slice of pizza, it is not a sport. So, bowling is not a sport, but water polo is.
Travis, that almost works. If I apply that criterium: Nascar -sport. Guitar Hero - sport. table tennis - not a sport. text messaging - a sport. and the clincher, synchronized swimming - which we all know is NOT a sport is technically deemed a sport because anything done in the pool including swimming away from the spot you were standing because the water around you "suddenly and mysteriously" turned yellow. are all technically considered a sport because as many of us have sadly discovered aquatic activities and a box of Papa Johns never mixed very well. I always end up dropping the garlic butter in the water... and that is why the water mysteriously turns yellow.
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