Chase's Funeral

Thursday morning we heard the news about Chase. The first flight out to Helena had been canceled cue to mechanical. The canceled flight pushed everyone else back on later flights and filled them all up. All of the flights to nearby Montana cities were full too. We decided to fly up on Friday. I was astounded when I arrived at my brother's house to see so many people there to support his family. People were traveling from all over and showing up in a constant and steady stream of tearful hugs and flowing condolences. Most of them had brought food and flowers. There were 5 or 6 coolers out on the deck stacked full of food. The freezer was bulging and the fridge was loaded. I couldn't think of anything helpful to do so I did the only thing I do really well... by starting to find a good home for a huge portion of the food.

Doug and Gwenette asked me to deliver the eulogy for the funeral. It was then that I realized how dramatically their grief might have affected their judgment. I accepted despite my knowledge of what a dismally pathetic public speaker I am. Most writers can't orate very well and most orators can't write well. Each forced into their preferred method of communication by ease of use, often neglecting the other form more and more as they perfect and hone their preferred delivery. This time it was a bit different. From the moment I got off the phone from hearing news of what had happened to Chase I began preparing and collecting my thoughts for a eulogy. I didn't sleep much the following two nights because I was pondering things to say. At the time I didn't know I would actually be asked to speak. When it came time to sit down and write the topics for the eulogy it only took an hour or so. I just had to organize all of the thoughts I had previously considered. I don't credit myself for originating most of them. At the funeral a few items shocked me:
1. I had never seen so many people in a chapel. The overflow was opened up and all of the chairs were occupied. (Someone later told me it was estimated there were between 700-750 people there)
2. Never had I heard so few people sing during the hymns. Most people sat there with a stunned look on their faces. It was surrealistic compared to most of my past experience.
3. I have never seen such an attentive and alert audience. While my brother Kimball was speaking I watched them all sit perfectly still, carefully listening to everything he said. I could feel the Spirit there and I hoped it was comforting many of those who seemed to be deeply troubled.

Maybe it was because I spoke first and didn't have time to get nervous but I can honestly say that I have never been so calm and relaxed while speaking. I even get more nervous teaching my primary class (maybe because my primary class is usually kicking each other, breaking out windows with their chairs and setting the foyer on fire with firecrackers, while I am trying to teach the class) Usually I talk way too fast, forget how to use words, stumble through my notes and do a nose dive, crash landing on my final thoughts about my topic. The audience is usually half bored, half mortified at my fumbling nonsense. I don't think I delivered a riveting talk, but I didn't feel like beating myself with a hymn book and running home, red faced and full of shame either. I only hope that I might have said something to Doug, Gwenette and Taelor that might have helped.
I did throw in a curse word into the eulogy. I debated whether or not to use it because I worried it might detract from my message, but "damn" is such a minor curse... even for the pulpit and then I thought of Chase sitting there and what he would do if he heard me. I thought about him giving his Ungerman smile with one side of the mouth smiling a bit wider than the other like he was about to bite bit of celery or something. So, I decided I had to throw it in. It made the audience laugh and the Stake President sitting to the right of me bounced his leg nervously right after. A stupid thing to worry about I know but, I don't regret it.

Kimball did a great job with the spiritual message. He discussed in detail why we are here, where we are going after this life and explained the huge theological/philosophical juggernaut "Why a loving Heavenly Father would allow us to suffer death, war, famine, disease, pestilence, telemarketers, mosquitoes and myspace" OK maybe not the last three... but what he explained seemed to explain those plagues too.

I know this weekend made me a better person. I hope many others were positively influenced also. Doug, Gwenette and Taelor seemed to be doing better, but I still worry about them when everyone goes home and the house is quiet again. I know they have to deal with their grief but I think things like that are better if handled just like you would eat a whale... one bite at a time. After seeing how many friends they have I know that people will be stopping by hopefully for along time afterwards.

I had many people afterward tell me how where they knew Chase from and what he meant to them. Kimball said it best when he told me that for every friend he has, Doug has 50.

When we were leaving the grave site service we saw about a dozen deer bedded down in the cemetery. It was a very fitting location. Rows of pine trees which made it the most peaceful and quaint cemetery I have ever seen. I was glad to see that they didn't stick around and take family pictures at the grave site. Call me a freak or a scrooge, but I kinda think it is bizarre to take family pictures next to the casket. I can't think of anytime in the future where I might be digging through a pile of cherished photos and gaze upon us all stuffed into suits, puffy eyes from crying, hungry and thinking of the funeral potatoes awaiting us at the church assembled around Aunt Mildred's mauve casket, draped in Precious moment dolls and a Garfield flower arrangement and think to myself as I smile and wipe away a tear "Oh that was such a hilarious day!!! that service put the "FUN" in funeral!!!" I think I would rather take pictures when someone gets a staph infection, gets their car repoed or finalizes their divorce. If anyone wants to do that at my funeral I suggest they do the pictures at the viewing... prop me up, stretch my lips into a grin and fix one of my hands into a thumbs up and pose my other hand so that it looks like I am groping someone. That might be one you would like to stumble upon in your pile of pictures. Yep... you can tell me I am nuts. I can take it.