COMING SOON!!!!

I along with a very funny and enormously talented individual, are working on a new website coming to you soon! www.todaysofficedare.com I will be challanging you to a periodic strange and bizarre office dare. You can then go to our website and post stories, pictures and results of your dare. I will throw out my first dare here so that you can prepare ahead of time and have your stories ready for when the site is up and running. The challange is: Purchase a package of cookies such as Oreos, fudge stripe, E.L. Fudge or similar. Take them to work and offer them out. As each person takes a cookie... Be sure they know, and insist that you made them.
Other challanges might be to tell people that you can't talk today because you have lost your voice. Don't try to make your voice sound strained as you explain this. Or...respond to everything everyone says to you with the phrase "we'll see!"

Chudleigh AWAY!!!

Before I went to Santa Barbara it snowed. I woke up early and anxiously started the snow blower. I am so proud of my repair that I just LOVE to use the snowblower. I did our driveway in about 5 minutes, then I looked down the block and though of all of the poor whelps out there grunting and dishing scoop after scoop of snow off of their driveways. I looked down at the snow blower and said "Come on! We have a job to do!" That didn't seem right. I realized I had never named my ravenously snow hungry gremlin. I thrust my index finger into the air and announced "I shall here fore call you... CHUDLEIGH!!!" (pronounced CHUD-LY) I stood up straight, stuck my chest out and shoved Chudleigh into a long stretch of freshly fallen snow pack. Chudleigh growled contently as he gobbled through the snow. I could tell he liked his name. I ended up doing the sidewalks on the whole block. I wanted to do the driveways on both sides of my house but I was going to be late for work. I reluctantly placed Chudleigh back in the corner of the garage. It was still snowing and I knew Mandy would have to remove the new snow while I was gone. I woke here up and showed her the intricate operating procedure of Chudleigh. It is more of an art than a science, but if you know where to scratch his back he rewards you with a magnificently clean driveway and huge sense of pride and accomplishment. When I got to Santa Barbara I anxiously called Mandy to see how well Chudleigh had worked. I was disappointed to learn that he had only cleaned two stripes on the driveway and died. He was going to get a stern talking to when I got home! When I came home I tried everything I could, but he wouldn't start for me. I know every internal combustion engine needs 3 things... air, fuel and spark. (well diesels don't technically need the later, but... I wasn't dealing with diesel snow blower... but that would be cool!) I know he had the first two just wasn't sure about spark. I took the spark plug out and found several chunks of some unknown foreign matter stuck in the spark plug. Not to surprising to me. this snowblower has no air filter and actually has a nice little cup on the front of the carb which makes a nice catch basin for any number of foreign materials. I cleaned them out of the spark plug and tested for spark... yep! good spark. After I reinstalled the plug, chudleigh practically started itself. I pulled the chord and he howled to life, sputtering out a brief cloud of white smoke and then idling up to it's normal hum. I had some snow that wasn't shoveled on the pad on the side of the house. I quickly cleaned that up. That just sort of wet my pallet without bedding it back down. I decided the patio in the back yard needed to be cleaned. Chudleigh cut through all of that snow and merrily shot the snow about 30 feet away. I then tested his merit by cutting a path right through the backyard where the snow was almost as deep as the blades are tall. No problem. blasted the snow right out of the yard. I had a blast! I told Mandy that I thought it would be fun to clear all of the snow off of our entire front yard. All of our neighbors would have about a foot of snow and ours would none! That would be awesome! Well... gotta go check the forecast, see if any more snow storms are heading our way!

Cottonelle...oh how I love thee!!!

I just got back from 3 day business trip from Santa Barbara and felt it relevant to discuss an unsavory subject. I will try to keep the discussion of this dirty business, clean as possible. While away my fondness of Cottonelle flush able wipes was re-affirmed. I was introduced to them several years ago. A coworker and good friend came back from Iraq. On one occasion as I was asking him about his experiences there he told me how they had a lawn chair with a circle cut out of the seat and then re-enforced with duct tape. When certain pressures in the bowels increased which required relief, they set up the lawn chair and cleaned up using Cottonelle wipes. As he described the cooling and cleansing effect on his posterior, his face melted into an exquisitely serene smile of fondness. I asked more about these wipes and he issued a challenge He said "Get some of these wipes and the next time you wipe, clean up as good as you can with just toilet paper and then follow up with cottonelle wipes." I took him up on his challenge. To be honest I was horrified at the gross amounts of matter left behind by just toilet paper. I realized how archaic our toilet paper system was. we have cars that recognize individuals and automatically adjust controls to the persons preferences, toothbrushes that clean ultrasonically, carry credit card sized computers that store an entire library full of music, yet we still barely control our fecal hygiene with a wadded up ball of thin ply wood pulp? I have often heard the french criticized for their lack of hygiene, but, even they have boudoirs! I ate a lot while I was gone and just like what goes up, must come down... what goes in, must come out. I had the opportunity to sample many restroom facilities in hotels, airports and restaurants. 3 days without using my beloved cottonelle wipes. I did shower everyday but subconsiously I wondered if I was that guy that when I walked by, people would glare at each other, pinch their noses and silently mouth the words "He stinks like POO!", to each other. Then when I turn around they look at me and innocently smile as if nothing was going on. I rarely endorse anything, or support any widespread social reform, but if I could have this product placed in every home and every restaurant and every hotel and every airport, I can see nothing but positive results! And that is why I am announcing my candidacy for president based on this platform! for the (I don't know what political party. I was going to insert some joke here about a political party that used the ass (of the donkey variety) for their mascot... but one of them already uses that one, and they are serious about their mascot. So they ruined it all for me! what a buncha asses! now this isn't even funny! CRAP! And that's all I wanted to clean up here!)

I feel like dancin

Today was the first day of the spring semester for my dance studio. I started with my adult class at 2:00 there were four ladies that showed up. We did a five minute warm-up to the song Jump (for my love). Then we did some across the floor movement to You make me feel like dancin. I introduced the songs I'll be choreographing to which are Love Song by Sara Barelis and Fighter by Christina Agulaira. It was fun! We laughed alot and look forward to next week.
My 3:00 class is my beginners. there are four in this class they are all three years old and so cute. Of course Shelby is in this class and loved it. It went really well.
Next is my four year old class at 3:30 there are six in this class and were all with me last semester. They were excited to come to dance again. For these two classes they danced to Splish Splash to warm-up. I found a great website this week called free kids music.com and got some really fun music for little kids. We did some dancing to a song called Ants in my pants, and Can you clap? I had them do a dance step for their name and called it the name dance. Then we cooled down dancing as princesses to Whistle while you work. It was great.
I ended up combining my five to eight year old dancers, and they start at 4:30. I have seven dancers in this class, two of whom are new. I hope it will be okay merging these age groups together. We warmed up to Gettin Jiggy wit it, and then did floor movement to Undercover Creatures and Heaven they also did a Name Dance. They cooled off to Wishin and Hoping.
All of the classes went really well. I need to get on the ball with my choerography, and look forward to a great semester of dance.

Fun in the snow

If there is going to be this much snow then we may as well play in it.

Bring on the snow!!!

Last year my friend Shane gave me a little Toro snowblower. It was left by the previous owners of his last house. It worked fine as long as you kept pumping the primer button. I said I would take it and see if I could get it to work. I took it home, tossed it in the middle of the garage, kicked it, gave it the stink eye and finally sprayed some carb cleaner at it. I regret to admit I have never twisted a bolt on a 2 stroke engine. Ironically a 2 stroke and I have alot in common, we are both finnicky, sound horrible, make funny smells and are a little bit odd. I will be honest, I am more confident with a tax form than I am with a 2 stroke. That night I went and emailed Doug. I know he could fix it. I was pretty sure he could even rattle off specific parts to tweak or replace if not just repair it by having me hold the phone up to the snowblower so that he could use his intricate knowledge of a 2 stroke to just tell it to behave. He wrote back and said it was a good little snowblower and all I really needed to do was pull the carb apart and clean out the main jet. Gas sits in the bowl and varnishes things up a bit.

I strolled out into the garage after reading the email and slowly dismantled the cowling until I finally found the carb mounted in the back. I didn't want to take the carb off so I took out two adjustment screws and looked down their holes. they looked dirty so I sprayed some carb cleaner down in them. After I cleaned the carb cleaner out of my mouth and eyes when it shot back out at me I sprayed some cleaner in the carb and put it back together. to my delight it started and idled without requiring me to pump the primer the whole time. Then I pulled the handle to spin the blades- BLAH! it said as it died. Discouraged I put it away for the year and didn't touch it again.

This year we got several descent snow storms. The first storm I sweated, grunted and groaned as I cleaned our driveway. It was so hot that I removed my coat and gloves and labored in nothing but a t-shirt. As I finished I heard a fmiliar scream. My neighbors across the street had bought the exact same snow blower we had for $30 at the DI. I stood motionless, freezing drool collecting on my bottom lip as I watched my neighbor casually stroll behind their snowblower as it beautifully arched the snow clear of the driveway. I listened to the engine as it churned through the snow it seemed to hunker down and growl contendedly as if it were saying "Mmmmm yummy!"

While placing the shovel back on the rack I decided I would take another crack at the snowblower. this time I pulled the carb off and took most of it apart. I shoved a wire from a twisty tie down all of the holes I could see and gave them a shot with carb cleaner. I put it back together and started it up. It seemed to work fine now. But, I didn't have anymore snow to really test it on.

The next snow storm arrived and I anxiously fired up the Toro and shoved it into a strip of 3 inch snow it gobbled at it for a bit and then let out a groan as it grumbled to a stop. After trying out several strategies I figured out that if I took it slow and as soon as I heard it start to go into the "death groan" I could quickly stab the primer button with my cold, wet finger. it would sputter a few revs out and then howl back to life. I plowed our driveway through two storms this way, but in the back of my mind I still had the vision of my neighbors snowblower merrily tossing the snow aside like a puppy throwing around a ragged old shoe.

Yesterday, I discovered on the Toro website that there is a needle connected to the float in the bowl... the part I never took off of the carb last time I cleaned it. Haunted by the vision of my neighbor's snow hungry machine I took the carb apart for the second time and cleaned the carb thoroughly with a pipe cleaner, carb cleaner and another wire from a twisty. I took everyithing apart inspected it, cleaned it and carefully put it back.

This time when I started the snowblower I nervously inched it towards a pile of snow. I let the blades lick at the pile for a bit then I gave it a little bite. it spat it out throwing it about 20 feet. "You liked that huh?" I said as I pulled it back and rammed it into the pile of snow. The RPMs dropped and the engine growled devilishly as it spat out a stream of pulverized snow. "VICTORY WAS MINE!" I went around clearing the driveway back to the grass. I cleaned a neighbors walk who never got around to finishing from the last storm. dissappointed I looked around and discovered all of the driveways and walks were cleared. One time Doug told me "just take it apart, see how it works and fix it." That has worked every time... except for the time my computer broke. For some reason you can't just look at electronics and see how they work.

New Start

I have recently become aware of the fact that there are thing that you CAN DO and things that you CAN'T DO. After pulling myself out of a severe depression, I CAN be happy and live a good life. I CAN feel the sun shining on me again and see the beauty of this world and the many opportunites that life offers. I realize though that I CAN'T be completely happy and healthy (mentally or physically) and be FAT.
I have committed 100% to losing weight this year. I am 233 lbs and would like to be 145 lbs. by the end of the year. The reason I am putting this out here is because I know that I need the love and support of my family and friends this year as I venture into this new lifestyle. I am taking it slowly day by day, so don't be expecting anything drastic. I am planning on this being a lifetime change and I feel that I don't need to do it too quickly.
You can help me by asking me about my goals and how I'm doing in reaching them. You can ask me to go for a walk or a bike ride or to do anything active. Don't invite me to dinner and a movie. I welcome your phone calls of encouragement and need daily affirmations of the positive things about me the way I am. I would love any ideas on healthy meals and snacks, things to do to keep me active, and ways to stay focused on my goals. I truly do love life and know that to live my best life I need to lose this weight and begin a new lifestyle. I love you all. Yea! Me

Chase's Funeral

Thursday morning we heard the news about Chase. The first flight out to Helena had been canceled cue to mechanical. The canceled flight pushed everyone else back on later flights and filled them all up. All of the flights to nearby Montana cities were full too. We decided to fly up on Friday. I was astounded when I arrived at my brother's house to see so many people there to support his family. People were traveling from all over and showing up in a constant and steady stream of tearful hugs and flowing condolences. Most of them had brought food and flowers. There were 5 or 6 coolers out on the deck stacked full of food. The freezer was bulging and the fridge was loaded. I couldn't think of anything helpful to do so I did the only thing I do really well... by starting to find a good home for a huge portion of the food.

Doug and Gwenette asked me to deliver the eulogy for the funeral. It was then that I realized how dramatically their grief might have affected their judgment. I accepted despite my knowledge of what a dismally pathetic public speaker I am. Most writers can't orate very well and most orators can't write well. Each forced into their preferred method of communication by ease of use, often neglecting the other form more and more as they perfect and hone their preferred delivery. This time it was a bit different. From the moment I got off the phone from hearing news of what had happened to Chase I began preparing and collecting my thoughts for a eulogy. I didn't sleep much the following two nights because I was pondering things to say. At the time I didn't know I would actually be asked to speak. When it came time to sit down and write the topics for the eulogy it only took an hour or so. I just had to organize all of the thoughts I had previously considered. I don't credit myself for originating most of them. At the funeral a few items shocked me:
1. I had never seen so many people in a chapel. The overflow was opened up and all of the chairs were occupied. (Someone later told me it was estimated there were between 700-750 people there)
2. Never had I heard so few people sing during the hymns. Most people sat there with a stunned look on their faces. It was surrealistic compared to most of my past experience.
3. I have never seen such an attentive and alert audience. While my brother Kimball was speaking I watched them all sit perfectly still, carefully listening to everything he said. I could feel the Spirit there and I hoped it was comforting many of those who seemed to be deeply troubled.

Maybe it was because I spoke first and didn't have time to get nervous but I can honestly say that I have never been so calm and relaxed while speaking. I even get more nervous teaching my primary class (maybe because my primary class is usually kicking each other, breaking out windows with their chairs and setting the foyer on fire with firecrackers, while I am trying to teach the class) Usually I talk way too fast, forget how to use words, stumble through my notes and do a nose dive, crash landing on my final thoughts about my topic. The audience is usually half bored, half mortified at my fumbling nonsense. I don't think I delivered a riveting talk, but I didn't feel like beating myself with a hymn book and running home, red faced and full of shame either. I only hope that I might have said something to Doug, Gwenette and Taelor that might have helped.
I did throw in a curse word into the eulogy. I debated whether or not to use it because I worried it might detract from my message, but "damn" is such a minor curse... even for the pulpit and then I thought of Chase sitting there and what he would do if he heard me. I thought about him giving his Ungerman smile with one side of the mouth smiling a bit wider than the other like he was about to bite bit of celery or something. So, I decided I had to throw it in. It made the audience laugh and the Stake President sitting to the right of me bounced his leg nervously right after. A stupid thing to worry about I know but, I don't regret it.

Kimball did a great job with the spiritual message. He discussed in detail why we are here, where we are going after this life and explained the huge theological/philosophical juggernaut "Why a loving Heavenly Father would allow us to suffer death, war, famine, disease, pestilence, telemarketers, mosquitoes and myspace" OK maybe not the last three... but what he explained seemed to explain those plagues too.

I know this weekend made me a better person. I hope many others were positively influenced also. Doug, Gwenette and Taelor seemed to be doing better, but I still worry about them when everyone goes home and the house is quiet again. I know they have to deal with their grief but I think things like that are better if handled just like you would eat a whale... one bite at a time. After seeing how many friends they have I know that people will be stopping by hopefully for along time afterwards.

I had many people afterward tell me how where they knew Chase from and what he meant to them. Kimball said it best when he told me that for every friend he has, Doug has 50.

When we were leaving the grave site service we saw about a dozen deer bedded down in the cemetery. It was a very fitting location. Rows of pine trees which made it the most peaceful and quaint cemetery I have ever seen. I was glad to see that they didn't stick around and take family pictures at the grave site. Call me a freak or a scrooge, but I kinda think it is bizarre to take family pictures next to the casket. I can't think of anytime in the future where I might be digging through a pile of cherished photos and gaze upon us all stuffed into suits, puffy eyes from crying, hungry and thinking of the funeral potatoes awaiting us at the church assembled around Aunt Mildred's mauve casket, draped in Precious moment dolls and a Garfield flower arrangement and think to myself as I smile and wipe away a tear "Oh that was such a hilarious day!!! that service put the "FUN" in funeral!!!" I think I would rather take pictures when someone gets a staph infection, gets their car repoed or finalizes their divorce. If anyone wants to do that at my funeral I suggest they do the pictures at the viewing... prop me up, stretch my lips into a grin and fix one of my hands into a thumbs up and pose my other hand so that it looks like I am groping someone. That might be one you would like to stumble upon in your pile of pictures. Yep... you can tell me I am nuts. I can take it.

Chase Ungerman Passed away

These were my thoughts I recorded right after hearing the news that Chase had Passed:

I was sleeping comfortably in a warm bed last night with no knowledge that hundreds of miles away members of my family were experiencing the worst night of their lives. I did not hear the phone ring but I was instantly awake when Mandy said the cell phone was ringing. I could not think of any good news that comes at 2:30 in the morning. I picked up the phone and saw that mom had called. I returned her call and she informed me with a quaky voice that we had lost Chase in a traffic accident.

I was silent. Of all of the horrible scenarios that I had envisioned, this one was one of the least plausible. I have no appropriate responses for this news. At the core of my being I know that Chase is happy where he is. He would not want us to be sad. He is with many of his friends and family that he knew before he was born. It is us who are alive who are actually not where the party is happening. While we furiously toil away on meaningless pursuits, irrelevant concerns and mindless activities meanwhile shoving aside the important, the precious and neglecting the cherished times in life. I know Chase would rather we celebrate his life rather than mourn his passing. Still… sharp pains of intense sadness arise in me when I realize there will be no more times in my life to sit down with Chase and have him tell me about a humorous adventure he was recently involved in. No more times when I will see him saunter up to me with a smile and ask politely “How are you Uncle Ster?” I have always known chase to be the quintessential gentleman. Polite, courteous, attentive and accepting. If Chase was on the Titanic I am sure you would have seen him calmly strolling around a listing deck, helping people into life boats, securing other people’s life vests and reassuring people with a “you will do just fine.” I loved to just sit together with Chase and watch life roll by. His calm, sincere and fun personality seemed to radiate from him and he could always pepper you with funny quips.

I have always looked up to my brother Doug. He struck a beautiful balance between being Chase’s father and his best friend. Whether that was coaching and playing crew support when Chase was racing, or Hunting, fishing, floating, camping, or riding together… Doug and Chase spent consistent and consecutive quality hours together that many fathers (myself included) don’t know how, neglect or fritter away when they do arrive. Doug has nothing to regret in the way he raised chase. I fear that Doug will hurt and miss his best friend. I hurt for Doug, chase and Gwenette as I think of him noticing an empty spot in the driveway, one of chase’s favorite mugs or an unusually quiet afternoon. Those moments when the remorse floods through your body and you find yourself suddenly choking down a lump in your throat with the bitter after taste of vacancy and loneliness. I know he knows he and Chase will be reunited again. But maybe that is what is so difficult for me deal with that there is little I can do to ease my family members pain. The reason I have no appropriate response to this news. The reason that all I had to say to Doug was “I don’t know what to say” because it seems there is little I can do to stop the inevitable pain that he is going through.