First grade journal

It could be argued that I led a sheltered life. I never did drugs. Was completely unaware of anyone doing drugs when I grew up. I was never offered drugs, never saw drugs or for that matter did not know where I could have found drugs if I did want them. This is a good thing. I don't know if I could have handled loosing any more brain function than I already lack from. I come by this naturally. Until last week I merely hypothesized this. Yesterday I found out I have always been this way.

I was cleaning out my closet and came across a journal I had kept in first grade. I would like to share.

Today is Monday. We have no heat in our room and it is foggy outside!

Apparently this is DYNAMITE! with my teacher. Perhaps she was trying to plant ideas into my fertile brain that if I were to blow up the school the tight wad school district would have to build a new school with better than sub-standard heating.

From the moment I picked up a pencil I knew how to endlessly ramble about nothing. I still have no clue what this says. It reads:

ICOTFISFRUMMYGRAPOTHAOORSmoLI SaSd tnnwodritwosdgauthaorFunuithywEFrsh

in.

I think it says something about fishing and grandpa. I was right. Some grandpas do smell like rotting fish.

Today is Friday. Last night I usnpewinmy mom said wieorGoenswmin.

I think my teacher was starting to work on spacing between words. Still I think I confused the both of us. There are a lot of question marks here. but hey! I spelled "said" correctly! This afforded me another stamp on my paper and a hopeful subconscious suggestion to dynamite the school. My mom said something about going swimming. Mankind will never know what exactly she said though.

Today is the last day of January. I think the fog stays here because it likes to stay.

I think I had issues with the fog.

Today is Jerry's birthday. Tonight the fog.

I make it sound so ominous and foreboding. like a zombie attack. Today is a good day because it is Jerry's birthday and we will have cupcakes and sing happy birthday! But don't get too cheery because tonight the fog will come, and steal all of your happiness away and make you dark and gloomy, just like the fog.

Today is Friday. It is snowing hard. Tomorrow I want to get the snow and spit in heaven.

Um... OK? Maybe this repels the fog?

When I grow up I want to sit in space.

Oh yeah! Sitting in space is where its all at! Really, who doesn't want to grow up to be a couch potato that just happens to do all his couch potatoing in SPACE!

Last night it snowed. It is snowing now. Today we will eat marmalade jam. We think my fish is going to have babies. I got my finger slammed in the door.

That's a rather strange collection of sentences. That was a busy day for me, a lot going on. Snowing, (thank goodness it isn't foggy!) marmalade jam, pregnant fish and a crushed finger. I don't know how I had time to pencil all this in.

Mrs. Parker brought sea horses to school. They might die.

WHAT??? Did we kill the sea horses? Why did Mrs. Parker stamp "GREAT" After I said they might die? was she going to kill them? Was the fog going to come in the night and murder them? Oh, those poor sea horses! They just wanted to gallop around in the ocean or sit in space and now they were sentenced to death!

Today is Monday. I got new shoes. one of my fish that was going to have babies and it died this morning.

Aren't Mondays the worst! Yeah, new shoes definitely rock and you can run so fast in new shoes and WHAT??? My pregnant fish died? First the sea horses and now my pregnant fish? Is there no end to my aquatic misery? At least in space I won't have to be troubled by such heinous things like fog and fish pandemics, I can just sit there... and float.

Let's move on.

The leprechaun keeps knocking on the door.

Was I the only on that saw this leprechaun? Add leprechauns to the list of things that won't bother me in space.

Today is the first day of Spring. I like Spring but when summer comes you get stung by a bee.

Were bee stings like a right of passage into summer? I sure was pessimistic about spring. Spring is great, but Spring leads to summer and that's when the bees attack you and sting out your eyeballs and then after summer comes winter and then the fog that steals your happiness and murders your fish. I am going to go sit in space where none of this happens.

I don't like G force. They think they are a hero, but they aren't.

I don't remember what G force was, but I thought they were hero imposters.

Today is Tuesday. I got a kite. I can't find the string.

You see in space you don't need string. Kites just float. You can just sit there and watch them float.

Substitute Judy is talking too much. Hat.

Long winded substitutes are ruthless! I don't know what "hat" had to do with anything. Maybe it was one more thing I was going to add to my list of things I didn't have to worry about in space. My list must have been pretty long. Add substitutes that talk too much.

Space is going to be so great. I can't wait to grow up.