Halloween Horrors

I was recently reading a comment of a friend of mine on Facebook that said something to the effect of "is at the lingerie store...oh wait the Halloween store. Same thing." She was making commentary on something I hadn't really noticed. Well, I had noticed, I just wasn't thinking about it. To my friend's caption, I commented "Lingerie stores will have more modest clothing."

Then Walker wanted me to look online for Halloween costumes. A few seconds in and I felt like I had to cover both of our eyes. So I began to wonder where did this trend suddenly derive from. I think I have it figured out.

At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man with nothing better to do than sit on my porch and yell at kids that step on my lawn, I am going to say "Kids these days!" OK ready? Kids these days! Can't spell so good. Now I am not talking about kids in elementary school. Teenagers. I don't know if it comes from spending the whole day staring at a cell phone screen, frenziedly jabbing in LOLs, OMGs and :) Now, I hate talking on the phone more than just about anyone, but 30 seconds into a text and only having punched out 2 letters, even I just gave up and called the person I was texting. I realize that this neurotic phone jabbing, forces you to consolidate words, misspell, abbreviate and use acronyms whenever possible. Which, I fear is causing a loss in the art of spelling and face to face communication.

Back when I was a kid, we greeted each other with high fives and said "Hey dude! What's going on?" "nothin'- how bout you?" "Uh... nothing" and then we stared at our shoes. Shuffled uncomfortably and then said "Well, good seeing you. Take it easy!" "Yeah, you too man!" I fear that valuable skill is losing ground. Kids these days! Can't strangle them though, cause who's gonna spoon feed my banana pudding to me in the nursing home when I am old and decrepit? I am sure I will have to request they do so in a text though.

One day, I am positive, a gum chomping Paris Hilton wannabe was standing around smashing buttons on her phone when someone said "Hey you want to go to a Halloween party?" (oh wait, I forgot my character here) Actually she got a text that said "LOL, OMG wana go 2 a holoween pardy :)" and she smiled and texted back "4 shur LOL ;)" and then she texted "wats the theem?" and then she got a reply that said "gools and horrs" So, she thought to herself "Like omagosh! Like, I don't even know like, what a gool is... like! Like, I'm totally goin' as a whore! Like, I don't even have to even change my clothes!" and so, she went. Every guy there ogled her and every girl there was jealous of her attention and the next year... not to be out done, all the girls dressed like whores. And so, horror in a terrible swirl of word confusing events, became synonymous with whore.

Now as guys (lumped together in one smelly, hairy, Neanderthal-like stereotype) we wont' put a stop to skimpy clothing. Take for example, bikinis, mini skirts, thongs paired with low rise pants and low cut shirts. We will just pretend not to, and be trying not to stare. So, we have dressed as ghouls and let the girls dress like whores. I am sure I speak for myself only when I say -- Please stop, You don't know what you are doing, and if you do--shame one you! Besides, aren't we all forgetting the reason for the season?