Pyro

I posted this story elsewhere and thought I would share it with you. I had originally stated that I had lost my eyelashes three times. Upon reflection, I have only lost my eyelashes twice, but lost hair on my head many more times.

In my defense I come by this tendency naturally. My own father has lost his eyelashes at least as many times. I was just imitating actions I have seen demonstrated for me. When I was very young my dad went hunting. He came home with a deer which he butchered at home in the garage on a long fold up table. the byproducts of butchering produces an entire garbage can full of scraps, bones and hide all of which maggots love to feed on. To his dismay, the garbage man refused to take a garbage can full of rotten carcass. He saw no solution other than purging the ecosystem by fire. He poured the bulk of the contents of a gas can into the garbage can, followed by a lit match which he quickly chased with the garbage can lid. Now, if you think about it, gas is really intended to be combusted, which creates compression, the energy of this compression is harnessed through a moving piston and transferred into the crankshaft which compels your car to move forward. It thrives in compressed environments.

My dad didn't thoroughly think this through as evidenced by his complete alarm when the garbage can lid disappeared from the top of the garbage can and proceeded in a trajectory several hundred feet in the air followed by a volcanic eruption of cinging, Hell derived, scorching flames, licking out in all directions like a thousand molten snakes. As an occupant of the garbage can lid launch pad and blast zone he was engulfed in the explosion which left him mostly unharmed with the exception of snatching away any exposed hair, a few micromilimeters of skin and any pride he might have had at the moment. as the fire died out and the smoke wafted a way, the lid came crashing down next to him signaling the completion of the performance. This is the example I was raised on. This is the genetic pool I derive from.

The first time I lost my eyelashes was in a strikingly similar experience. My parents were on vacation and I was left home alone. Being bored I started conducting science experiments. Being 10 years old, my scientific inquiry centered around fire. I began my experiments by trying to ignite small amounts of various liquids that I thought might be flammable. things like spray paint, rubbing alcohol, and brake fluid. I found a can of "Deep Woods Off" insect repellent. The can brandished a strong warning about the dangers of exposing it to flame. Since Danger and flame were what I was testing, I sprayed some in the garbage can, leaned over the garbage can and dropped my match in.

I don't know what would happen if someone were to stand behind a jet engine when the afterburners are turned on, but I know it wouldn't be pretty and I am pretty sure I have a good idea what it would look like to the person standing behind the engine.

Flames shot straight up out of the garbage can in a column and transformed all of the hair on my head into tiny little, stinky nubs. The first thing that crossed my mind was "My mom is going to kill me!" Your first instinct is ALWAYS accurate.

The second time was just after I had replaced the transmission in my car. In process of removing my transmission, I had removed the distributor from my car. Whenever you remove your distributor, the timing gets thrown off and you have to find the "sweet spot". somewhere between top dead center and 6 degrees after TDC to get the car to start. After it starts then you can use a timing light to hone it in. The best way to find that spot is to slowly twist the distributor, while someone cranks the engine. listening to the engine sputter you can get a pretty good idea of how close or far you are. Kinda like play "hot or cold" with your engine timing. Once you get it close enough, the engine should start and then you are home free.

I assigned a friend of mine to sit in the driver's seat and do the cranking while I did the distributor twisting. In process of doing this I evidently found the point somewhere before TDC. the point where the spark plugs are firing at the exact moment the intake valves are opening igniting the fuel as it entered the chamber and also all of the fuel in the intake. As discussed before, when gas burns, it expands. This time being no exception. It expanded straight up and back out the carburetor. the flame that belched out of the carb curled up and shot along the underside of the hood. My head just happened to be resting against that same underside of the hood as I extended out trying to reach the distributor. Hearing the pop and seeing a giant fireball, my friend jumped out of the car and said "Sterling! Are you OK?" but as soon as he saw me he started laughing "Your... Ha! Ha! Your hair!... Ha! Ha! It's gone! Ha! Ha!... Your hair is ALL gone!!!! Ha! Ha!" Fire does not make a good hair dresser and hair can sometimes take a long time to grow.