** WARNING** I will be saying some stuff here in the next two posts that will have you wondering about my gender orientation. I will explain it ALL, if you just read to the end.
I like to cook. I like to sew. I like to vacuum and clean and I like to do the laundry (except folding).
There are some very specific reasons why I enjoy these activities and I think as a gender and as a historically gender specific roles, I think we men have missed the boat on some very entertaining activities. As a gender we typically engage ourselves in smashing, hitting, exploding, burning, demolishing, and creation activities. We historically and typically like to hunt and shoot things and build things like houses, buildings, cars and airplanes. We like to club things and hit things and smash things. We like to shape things and mold things and transform our surroundings. Best of all, if we can use a power tool we will invent one that does the work for us or invent a use for a power tool. (do I hear a Tim Allen "argh! argh!" there?)
Why do we like to do what we do? Why do I spring out of bed at 4:00 A.M. on a cold winter's morning when it is storming outside? Not because I like to be cold and wet. Not because I like getting up early. I like using a power tool. A snowblower that effortlessly lofts the snow dozens of feet away and off of my driveway and leaves neat, carved banks in the snow around the driveway. Why do I like mowing the lawn. Not because I am into yard maintenance all that much. I like using a gas powered lawn mower. Typically, guys like using grinders, welders, sanders, air nailers, power saws, electric drills and power washers. Because it involves... POWER tools, right?
How is vacuuming much different than mowing? True, the vacuum doesn't have a gas engine on it, but if it did, I would bet more guys would vacuum. Sewing machines are amazingly complex, have lots of shiny parts and mechanisms that work harmoniously together to create things. I learned to sew for a very manly reason. I was re-upholstering my car. Sewing is much like building a house. You follow a pattern (sometimes) and use various materials, fix them to each other to create other things. Sewing doesn't have to be about making dresses and pajamas. It can be making a holster for your chrome plated .50 cal desert Eagle, or making a spike studded leather coat for yourself for when you are on stage playing in your death metal band or making your superman costume for your comic book convention... if you are into that sort of thing (which I am obviously not).
Cooking. We like to club the food and drag it home. When did we stop cooking it into something tasty? When did... OH! I answered my own question! The french ruined it! The ruin so many things, and they have ruined cooking for men. But look guys, cooking has so many cool tools you are just going to have to look past the creepy and strange sounding french words that litter the art of cooking and intimidate you so. For example, food processors and blenders. How did we miss out on a household appliance that has a button labeled "liquify"??? Where else can I take a solid substance and put it in an appliance and it liquifies it? Got your interest? Yeah! how about open flames! Burning, skin searing oil that with one false move could seriously disfigure you? Sound tantalizing? How about mixers with so much torque they could take off your fingers or yank your arm from the socket? a device in you sink drain that can chew up and ingest everything from watermelon to chicken bones. Where has all of this dangerous machinery been hiding? In your kitchen! I know most of you are familiar with barbequing. Just take that knowledge inside and try it out on the range! You will find it really is fun and rewarding!
Washing. Come on! It's a machine that churns and swooshes and magically turns your filthy underwear into a clean fresh smelling pair. That's awesome!
Cleaning. While not as compelling, there are in fact many cleaning chemicals out there that if used improperly can ruin things and if mixed with other chemicals can be very harmful and even fatal. This one is my most wimpy explanation. I just like simplicity and cleanliness.
Now I realize that this may sound like the most sexist post you have ever read. I want to clarify that I am speaking in the most general and historically gender specific household roles. I realize that many men have discovered... as I have, these hidden in plain sight power tools that can be used with just as much recklessness and just as dangerously as we do the power tools found in the garage.
Now, on with the sexism! I was planning on reserving these thoughts for another post, but here goes! I also still think you women have absolutely lost your minds. You are crazy! All of (well most) of you! I still don't understand how you can look at a hairy, stinky, sweaty, crude, basive, carnal, rudimentary and slow witted people that we as the human race classify in the Male gender, and say to yourself "Oh! He's cute!" Whenever I hear that, I squint, rub my eyes and blink a few times to see if I am not seeing clearly. I will just have to agree to disagree, because I see exactly the opposite.
3 comments:
Don't worry too much. I was learning about Tao the other day and Ying and Yang. Yin is the woman and Yag is the man. But there are aspects of woman in the man and man in the woman. So it is okay to Vacuum and Ladies you can play Halo with the boys it is all good
Well, I don't like to use power tools, mostly because I lack the upper body strength to make them work properly. And I also don't like to cook, vacuum, or do laundry. I've never sewn a stitch in my life. Tell me, where do I fit in? There must be some sub-category out there for people who like me who don't build things, craft things, cook things, or sew things. I do live in a fairly clean house, but that's because I enjoy picking things up (now that I can't bend over I've trained my toes to pick up most of the household depris). Maybe that makes me more of a gatherer. Or just lazy.
T-rev, well said.
Erika, I would put you in a sub-category called "normal". and not lazy, just 8 mos. pregnant. As a side note, I know all to well the diffictulties of picking things up because a belly is impeding progress.
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