March

March. Such a strange month. If March were personified I am convinced it would be a pimply faced, squeaky voiced, pre-teen. Jr. high was a horribly, disturbing and awkward time of my life. It stands to reason March would be in Jr. high school. Probably gets stuffed in his locker by a bully... named Old Man Winter.

You see, December comes around and we are all excited for Winter. It's the Christmas season and you can't have Christmas without snow. It snows in December and we all jump around and shovel our driveways and make snowmen and have snowball fights.

Then January comes and we still sort of smile because the snow is so pretty, even though we have to put on coats and it makes our feet wet and we track slush all through our houses.

Then February comes. The snow is gray. The sky is gray. our summer tans have faded and we are all gray. It is freaking cold outside and we are tired of staying inside. We ate way too much candy and we wouldn't mind running around outside and melting off a few pounds. We put a holiday in the middle of February to not make us not feel bad about cuddling under a warm blanket, preferably with a significant other and eating more chocolate, which naturally releases endorphins and makes us feel better about the otherwise gloomy month.

February fades and now we have March. A March is what? An extended begrudging and rhythmic walk. A method to arrive at a desired destination. Spring! Warm weather! Sunshine! Vibrant colors! Anything but gray and dreariness.

Yep, Old Man Winter pretty much shows up when he wants. Leaves when he wants. Sometimes he leaves and then pops his head back in the door to make sure no one is trash talking him after he leaves. People hide inside and peek out their blinds and whisper to each other "Shhh! don't go out there! Winter's out there! You want him to bite your nose and nip at your toes?" Winter even scares away the sun, and the sun isn't a regular ol' pushover either. Big ball of burning gas. Really hot. Gives you sunburns. Get too close to the sun and you die. That sun, is afraid of Winter.

By about mid to late March Spring arrives. Starts to set up camp. Winter says his goodbyes and pretends to yawn and then he ducks behind a tree. Spring rolls out a beautiful tapestry of daisies. There's a tap on Spring's left shoulder. Winter cackles in a withering and crackly laugh and runs around Spring's Right shoulder and quickly defecates a layer of slush on the daisies. Spring slaps her forehead. She can't believe she fell for the same trick again. Just like the past 128 years in a row! Spring sighs and it appears as if Winter has left. Hopefully for good this time. Spring carefully sprinkles out green pastures and thoughtfully places tender flowering buds on the trees. The sun sees Spring's progress and mumbles sheepishly "Well... I really should stop by and see what you've done this year Spring" But just as the sun comes skipping around the corner Winter jumps up from a ditch he was hiding in. The sun is startled. Not only does he stop. He runs cowardly away. Poor Spring always becomes so disappointed when this happens.

I'm so glad it is April now. April is such a refreshing and zesty month. I personally think Winter is a bit afraid of April. I heard once that Winter and April dated for a few years. But then April dumped Winter. Some say April and Spring had a fling (that's where the term 'Spring Fling' came from you see) and that April dumped Winter for Spring. I think this just adds to the uncomfortableness Winter has for April.

Sometimes Winter will stay out late drinking with his crony Jack Frost. Sometimes, when winter and Jack get that glazed look in their eyes and they start sloshing their drinks around and slurring and stumbling. Sometimes Winter will say "Hey Jack!" and then he will look around like he doesn't remember what he was about to say. Then he will continue after a few seconds "We should go 'nta town and just freeze everything. ah'm talken' snow... and... icicles and the whole bit!" and then he will mumble under his breath "Show that April what kinda man I can be!" and Jack will laugh in his fast pitched, giddy laugh. "Yeah! Let's go!" And so they do. And that's why sometimes it snows in April. Because Winter is an ass, and a bully and a drunk and I don't like Winter anymore and I wish he would just go away. I want sunburns and to walk outside and feel sweaty and sit in the shade and sip lemonade. That's what I want. Maybe I'm just saying all of this because it just snowed on the last day of March