Women

You hear it all of the time, and we laugh that men just don't understand women. In all honesty I am wondering, what are you girls thinking?

I recently overheard some people talking about being single and dating. Holy crap am I glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. I am truly, deeply, DEARLY, sorry for those that do.

My dating career was as short as I possibly could manage, yet still fraught with countless embarrassing and confusing moments. Dating is a lot like being dropped in a department store in just your underwear with the objective of picking out a pair of clothes that you like, and every three feet there is someone standing with a cattle prod who gets to zap you when you come into their reach. That is a bad analogy though because after you made your selection, you have to hope your selection chooses you also. I am happy to report that I came out of the ordeal having made a great choice.

Here was the confusing part. I thought I was pretty understanding, caring, funny, good looking and most of all humble. One of the blessings of marriage is that you later find out, those things you that you thought you were -- you aren't. (Well, because your spouse is silly!) In short I thought I was a good catch. I wasn't really, but I knew guys that were. I and them received some attention but the moment some guy strolled into the room with a guitar and started strumming a single chord and singing out of tune, the girl's eyes glazed over and they fawned around him like he was the pied piper. The rest of the guys and I would roll our eyes at each other and grumble "Who's the knob with a guitar?" We all knew it was game over at that point.

Another time I was standing at a street corner on campus waiting for the light to turn so that I could cross. There were some girls standing next to me and a dude with a motorcycle rolled up to the light. One of the girls stepped out of the crowd and shouted at the motorcycle rider "Hey! Can I have a ride?" He smiled and said "Sure!" and she hopped on the back and off they went. He could have been Jefferey freakin' Dalmer. She didn't care.

There are others, but those two seemed to mystify me the most. Dudes with guitars and motorcycles. They just seemed to put women in a trance.

Looking back, I am not sure why I didn't get me one of either of the two. If you are a single guy out there, I would encourage you to learn how to play the guitar while driving your motorcycle. Just learn one chord and sing about any ol' thing you want. "I'm playing my guitar! ridin' my broken down crappy Suzuki! It's really hard to steer, with my hands off the handle bars. And when all of these women are throwing themselves at me! Oh, I'm playin' my gee-tarrrrr! Drivin' my bike that says rarrrrr!..." It really won't matter.

If we look at the selection process, on it's most basic levels, I can honestly see why a female would choose a male that is tall or short. black or blonde haired. Brown or blue eyed. Has money, influence, charismatic, muscular, or even as frustrating to me at the time... can throw a football really far. They all show certain ability to produce or provide for offspring.

I think I know the answer now, but it doesn't mean I understand. I know now, but I'm not any wiser. It boils down to one thing. Emotion. Making a decision based on emotion seems so foreign to me, I have little concept of how it works. Which is why I am grateful that I have Mandy to help me out there. I am truly appreciative of the fact that she has that ability. She has a marvelous talent in making an emotional decision and then explaining it to me logically. I am also glad she can make a decision based on pity, because that is surely the reason she chose me even though I don't ride a motorcycle or strum a stupid guitar.