But here I sit duped by some guy in Vietnam and just recently about $1,000 lighter in the checking account via a series of 17 consecutive unauthorized "INTERNET SHOPS" transactions that we just discovered this morning. They are disputed, but it can take up to 45 days to have the charges reversed. Oh wow! This is awesome! Maybe I will go beg for money to finish up Christmas shopping and live on for the next 45 days? Those guys seem to be doing pretty well.
Maybe it isn't just me? Has anyone else noticed a huge influx of people asking for money and scams recently? A few weeks ago I was on a trip to Salt Lake. I had arranged to purchase an iPod with a cracked screen. I forget this person's name -- so we will just call her Brunhilde for the rest of this story. Brunhilde sent me a text. "I don't have a car can you meet me by my house at the 7-11 on 17th and Main?" I said sure. Sounded fairly safe. Lots of traffic. Lots of witnesses if I get mugged.
I pulled into the parking lot and looked around for someone that seemed to be waiting for someone to meet them. I saw a guy with pants riding down to his knees. He seemed to be casing the joint for an opportune moment to rob the store. There was your standard issue crazy cat lady bumping along down the sidewalk yelling at people that only she could see. And there was what appeared to be a pimp, probably out purchasing refreshing beverages for all of his hoes. They do those types of things right? After assessing the situation, I decided that I did not want to be parked forward in the parking stalls. I wanted to be facing outward, so that I could see people walking to the store and also so that I only needed to put the car in drive and accelerate rapidly should I find the situation -- um, less-than-ideal. Just to be safe, I took every dollar, (except for the money I was using to buy the ipod) credit card and form of ID and stuffed them in my shoe. Should I get mugged, I would only be out my fresh values card and my wallet.
I waited and and no one was approaching the van. I began to think this person was a no-show. A group of young adults walked up and went into the store. One of them was like 7' 18" tall. She had the stature of night club bouncer. If she were ever shot, she would brush the lead particles off of her jacket, grimace and then crumple the shooter up like paper bag and discard them carelessly in some nearby bushes. She had on a long woman's coat and a hot pink, knit hat. Next to her was, well I don't even know how to describe her other than your stereotypical lesbian. In tow behind Paula Bunyon and Lucy Lesbian were two tweekers. They were wasted. They were staggering along like two chihuahuas out for a walk, just marveling at this huge big world outside. They both wore all black, baggy clothes and had chains hanging from every article of clothing and content of their pockets. Their mouths were fully open, eyes half shut.
They came out of the store, loitered for a bit and then started approaching my van. "Yep, I'm about to get mugged" I sighed to myself. Paula Bunyon smiled, looked at me and produced an iPod from her pocket. "This isn't Paula Bunyon." I said to myself "This is Brunhilde" I got out of the van so that any witnesses would see the entire homicide not just a large woman quickly reaching into a van as she snapped my neck.
Brunhilde showed me the phone and told me how it got broken and where she had bought it how she liked to use it to watch movies. Brunhilde talked with a slight lisp and I began to realize two things. 1. Brunhilde might just be a little slow mentally. 2. Brunhilde was no she. She was a dude.
I just wanted out of there. Finally Brunhilde handed the iPod over and I reached in my jacket and produced the money for the iPod. The tweekers lit up like they had just seen an angel of the lord. They marveled and were amazed, as if I had just produced the sword of Gilgamesh from it's emerald encrusted sheath that I wore on my back. "Whoa!" They gasped in delight. "That's like $40!" one of them shrieked. The other followed up with "That's like $40,000!" I wasn't in the mood for explaining finances to these two gentlemen. So I jumped in the car, started it and drove away like I was being chased by zombies.
Next I was off to meet my brother. I stopped at the Sears downtown so that I could text him and let him know I was on my way. I was interrupted mid-text by a tap on the window. There stood a Hispanic man. Filthy clothes, hair unkept. He motioned for me to roll down the window. I did so begrudgingly because I was certain he didn't want to ask me how my day was going. "Excuse me sir. Can you help a homeless man. I'm hungry and I haven't worked in months." My money was still in my shoe. I looked around to see if I had anything to eat, some money. Something. Then I remembered the change slots in the console. I reached in there and removed all of the large change. It was somewhere in the range of $3-5 that I gave him. It felt pretty generous to me considering we were about 15 feet away from a taco stand selling tacos for $1 each. He looked at the contents of his hand, looked at me, sneered, shook his head and walked away. Dude, I didn't kick you in the spleen, why are you acting like a did a disservice?
After meeting my brother I ran a few more errands. It was starting to get late. I had been so busy that day, I hadn't eaten yet. I was hungry. I found a Carl's Jr. I wasn't delighted, but it was the best thing I had seen in a quite a while. That should tell you right there how poor my previous selections were. I ordered and pulled into the parking lot. It seemed like a decent neighborhood. There was a Hotel and a sizzler next to the carl's Jr. I sat in the car and began to eat my food. I noticed an empty lot next to the hotel. There was a trail through the lot that came from an opening in a fence behind a residential neighborhood. An average looking man appeared through the fence. He was carrying a small cooler and looked like he was just getting home from work. He slowly shuffled along the trail and walked behind my van. When he got behind my van he stopped. I watched him nervously in the rear view mirror. He backed up and seemed to be looking at my van. He was staring like he was trying to see who was in the van. He walked back and forth several times and then left. Around the corner of hotel a tall black man appeared. There was a short older man with him. They paced back and forth near the corner of the hotel as they sucked on cigarettes. They kept looking at me and making gestures. I could tell they were talking about me.
You know when you are outside. Maybe on a hike and you look down and you see a red ant, then you spot another one, and suddenly the ground comes alive as you notice you are standing on top of their hill? This is what happened to me at this instant. I looked in the field and there was another man working his way toward me. He was walking slowly but with purpose. He kept steady eye contact on my van. Your standard issue crazy cat lady burst around the corner of the sizzler. She didn't have any teeth and she walked with a swaying hobble. She was walking straight for my van. This was all to much. Danger alerts were going off everywhere in my mind. I didn't know what was going on, but no outcome was good if I stuck around. I tossed my burger on the passanger seat, threw the van in reverse, then slammed it into drive and squashed the gas pedal with my foot just as the crazy cat lady made it my window. She threw her hands up in the air "Hey!" she yelled "Excuse me! Sir? HEY!" I didn't even give her eye contact. I was out of there. I drove a few blocks away.
and found a business complex. It was still under construction and the neighborhood seemed pretty nice. "Finally, I can finish my food" I thought. No sooner had I parked, then a hispanic man emerged from behind a building. He had a young child with him. He kept his eyes on the van and was walking right for me. "What the hell?" I grumbled. I felt bad, but I threw it into drive and left. I just finished my food as I drove.
I had one more place to stop in Bountiful, but the urine level in my bladder was getting to critical. Plus I wanted to make sure that maybe I wasn't dragging a dog, my tire wasn't flat or some other reason to make everyone feel the need to come running up and talk to me and beg me for money. I even thought that perhaps the first man had somehow marked my van that told the other beggars that I was beggar friendly. That seriously crossed my mind.
I found a Shopko. I parked and circled the van. Looked for anything that seemed out of place or indicative. Nothing. I went inside and used their restroom, came out, got in the van and "tap, tap, tap" on my window. Standing there is an older gentleman. He doesn't have a coat on and is wearing shorts. It is cold outside and starting to snow. I am absolutely stunned. This is beyond uncanny. I talk to him and tell him the truth. I don't have any money that I can give him. I watch him for the next few minutes as he approaches shoppers coming and going into the store. I can see him motioning and gesturing to a car in the parking lot. A few times he goes up to the car and talks to the occupants. It is apparent that this is his car and he is just canvasing the area. This is just excellent.
Any one that read my last blog entry knows about Turd McGittens that purchased an iPhone from me and qualified himself as the most annoying person I have ever dealt with. I believe I have some finality to that story.He left negative feedback on me. That pissed me off because I have done everything possible to right the transaction. I sent him a message and told him that I need to know what he is doing with the phone. Is he going to keep it or send it back. No response. So I reported him to eBay for inappropriate feedback, extortion and abusing returns policies. He sends me a message. "I am returning the phone to you" Yesterday I finally received the phone back from him. I refunded all of his money and blocked him from contacting me and having the ability to bid on or purchase any of my items ever again. May our paths never cross again, lest I find myself scraping his feces off the bottom of my shoe again.
And finally -- an update on the phone that I sold, The buyer reported as fraudulent and then had it shipped to Vietnam where I had no ability or hope of ever recovering my phone again. I sent a message to PayPal that in summary said "Hey! I did everything in my power to get the phone back, I followed procedure exactly to qualify for 'Seller Protection'. So what are you going to do to protect me?" The next day they deposited the money back into my account and said the transaction was awarded in my favor. I should tell my friend in Vietnam that I have another buddy that is now looking for a phone after he returned his to me. They would be instant friends.
